Communicating and My Kind of Relatinships

     Communication is one of the biggest things that both blows my mind and gets under my skin. The fact that we can now communicate across the world not just on mobile devices but see each other on a digital screen is amazing. Seriously, think about how this effects the relationships around you. What would your life be like if you still had to hand write letters to communicate over seas? We went from writing to our monthly pen pals to, "So I was face timing my friend from Australia for three hours the other day and we are going to do g-chat later today with her friend from China." WHAT! 

     Along with building relationships, the advancement in technology, in my opinion, has also decreased some aspects of relationships that just breaks my heart. I am mainly talking about texting and online messaging. I have seriously had a conversation with someone through text for four hours about dumb stuff that could have been a ten min conversation on the phone. I could have hung out with them in person and had a meal with them in that amount of time. 

     With the advancement of technology in communication sometimes, I feel like we forget that the person we are talking to is also a person just like us, not just a bunch of words. I hate communicating when I have to type my words. I do not know how they read my words and how it is coming across. I do not feel like I communicate my best when I have to concentrate on spelling. As you can tell from my bogs, spelling is not my strength and I am very insecure about it. Having to concentrate on spelling is the most frustrating and hardest thing about interacting with other millennials and those that do not like to talk on the phone. Giving directions, spilling my heart out, or explaining something is hard enough, but typing it out actually angers me.

     In my current job as a missionary, I do something called Ministry Partner Development (MPD). It is the process of raising support and during an entire summer, I will make over 3500 phone calls to 200ish people. I want to get together with these people and ask them to join my financial team to reach teenagers for Jesus around the world. You would think that asking to partner financially would be the hardest part, but it is trying to get them to pick up the phone. Something about the advanced technology that we have now days has made people too afraid to pick up the phone and have a conversation, or get together in person and have a conversation. It is not only sad because relationships can not be made, but it also makes my job that much harder. Some people really want me to text them my entire presentation.

     Texting is not all bad. I like to text people to see if they are busy and want to hang out, or if they live far, just catch up and chat. I am not into just randomly calling someone if it means that they are at work or in the middle of a wedding or something. Texting also comes in handy when you do not want to seem rude and honk your horn in a quiet neighborhood. Sending a "I am outside" text is great and easy. 

     Being a millennial does not make me a lover of all things technology and communication. I love relationships with other people. I love seeing them frequently and doing life together in person if I am able to. I love hearing their voice and being able to give hugs and high fives. If it takes too much thought and concentration to have a conversation I cannot be myself or feel like I am talking to another real live person. This is just my kind of communication and relationships.

Falling in Love and Growing Up

It was a surprisingly cool and sunny Christmas morning in 1998. With a crowded house full of all my family in Peabody Kansas, I only remember very few things about that day. One, I got my very first mountain bike, and two, my little cousin Jade. She was my very first, second cousin and stole my heart the moment I saw her. I was only nine years old at the time, but I knew immediately that I loved not only babies, but all children. 

Before I went to college, I was pretty close to my three, second cousins (born in the late 90's early 00's) and got to watch them grow up. I would take them out to movies go to the swimming pool and if they behaved themselves I would love treating them to ice cream. Jade became like a little sister to me and I would take her on girl dates because she only had brothers. Over the years I now have about 14 second cousins and I am in love with every single one of them. Once I got to college that is when most of the babies were born. Honestly, it was hard to be away from my family, it sucked not being able to see my new baby cousins grow up. 

After college and much hesitation, I made the decision to do an internship with Cru in Florida. I beat myself up because it was just more time and distance away from my family, and I would not be able to see the little ones grow up. 

This past December I had a chance to come home and visit for Christmas. Jade is now 16 and my youngest cousin was about 8 months. It felt amazing to be around everyone and get to know the little ones a little more as they are developing from toddlers to school aged Kindergartners. I got to hold all the babies and have intellectual conversations about Elmo with the little ones. Among all the conversations that struck my heart was the one I had with Jade. She was no longer a little girl and was not interested in hanging out with family. She was asked to drive me to the store so I can grab some olives for dinner and we had a conversation that took me by surprise.

I told her all about my work in Florida and how I send high school students overseas on missions to reach other high school students for Jesus. When Jade was a little girl she would love to go to church and so I thought she would be interested in maybe going on a mission. I do not know if she was irritated with work, her parents, God, or me but I was not expecting her to be so angry about the conversation. She told me she decided she was agnostic and said it was because she could not prove that God did not exist and that I could not prove that He did. I did not expect this to come out of her and felt like I had missed something. A month later, I realize that I did, six years. The conversation ended with me telling her that if she ever wanted to talk about Jesus, Christianity, or anything that she can always call me if she wants me to.

Two months later and my heart is still troubled by this conversation. It sucks being so far away, not being able to love her the "big sister way" I use to be able to do. I pray for her and all my family often and love them all so very much.

It is funny to think of the idea that I have fallen in love with my family but I have. I am learning that sometimes when you love someone you have to be OK with a little bit of distance so that there is room for growth.

Testimony Broken

          I grew up in an abusive environment. My first memory I have is when I was about two years old and I was helping my uncle masturbate. One of the norms in my home was fights between my older brother and my dad where there would be some sort of damage to a wall, door or furniture. When my dad was not yelling at my brother, he would go after my mom, my older, sister or I. My dad and older brother never laid a hand on us (that I know of) however, my brother decided to molest me one time. Sundays were the worst, I was woke up at the crack of dawn, where my mother would bathe my sister and I and put us in dresses with shoulder-pads (it was the 90's) then proceed to accidentally burn my year trying to curl my bangs (I never sit still). She would then take my siblings and I to church where I would listen to the pastor talk in a monotone voice for two hours and sing songs that sounded like we were attending a funeral. My siblings and I would always get in trouble because we either did not get along, did not sit still, or were not appropriate. After church, we would have leftovers and then serve our punishment for not behaving in church; write sentences, stand in the corner, sit in a chair for x amount of time etc. 

          My life outside the home was mine to be in control of. In elementary school I feel into a group of peers where our favorite thing to do was to smoke cigarettes, set things on fire, or "jack" things from the 7-11 down the block. My sexual curiosity started early as well. I have struggled with lust for most of my life. In middle school, I had a curiosity for religion and at the time, I was going through conformation at my church while at the same time, wanting to go to a different church. In high school, I finally had the opportunity to control the church that I got to go to. I went there for four years and three weeks before I went to College I accepted Christ into my heart and was baptized.

          While in college, I faced quite a bit, bullies, substance abuse, and identity issues. However, God was there the whole time and brought me through everything. My sophomore year I got involved with Cru, a Christian organization, and i began to experience friendships like I had never experienced before. I was afraid to share my story to another Christian because I was afraid of being judged. Being in Cru, I was accepted for who I was in Christ, not who I was in the past or what I struggled with. Through my involvement in Cru and wanting to reach out to others, I decided to go into missions full time. Now I am in Orlando working at Cru's headquarters sharing Christ with the world.