Testimony Broken

          I grew up in an abusive environment. My first memory I have is when I was about two years old and I was helping my uncle masturbate. One of the norms in my home was fights between my older brother and my dad where there would be some sort of damage to a wall, door or furniture. When my dad was not yelling at my brother, he would go after my mom, my older, sister or I. My dad and older brother never laid a hand on us (that I know of) however, my brother decided to molest me one time. Sundays were the worst, I was woke up at the crack of dawn, where my mother would bathe my sister and I and put us in dresses with shoulder-pads (it was the 90's) then proceed to accidentally burn my year trying to curl my bangs (I never sit still). She would then take my siblings and I to church where I would listen to the pastor talk in a monotone voice for two hours and sing songs that sounded like we were attending a funeral. My siblings and I would always get in trouble because we either did not get along, did not sit still, or were not appropriate. After church, we would have leftovers and then serve our punishment for not behaving in church; write sentences, stand in the corner, sit in a chair for x amount of time etc. 

          My life outside the home was mine to be in control of. In elementary school I feel into a group of peers where our favorite thing to do was to smoke cigarettes, set things on fire, or "jack" things from the 7-11 down the block. My sexual curiosity started early as well. I have struggled with lust for most of my life. In middle school, I had a curiosity for religion and at the time, I was going through conformation at my church while at the same time, wanting to go to a different church. In high school, I finally had the opportunity to control the church that I got to go to. I went there for four years and three weeks before I went to College I accepted Christ into my heart and was baptized.

          While in college, I faced quite a bit, bullies, substance abuse, and identity issues. However, God was there the whole time and brought me through everything. My sophomore year I got involved with Cru, a Christian organization, and i began to experience friendships like I had never experienced before. I was afraid to share my story to another Christian because I was afraid of being judged. Being in Cru, I was accepted for who I was in Christ, not who I was in the past or what I struggled with. Through my involvement in Cru and wanting to reach out to others, I decided to go into missions full time. Now I am in Orlando working at Cru's headquarters sharing Christ with the world.